The problem with "ghosting" is that one is never quite sure. I made a couple of attempts to reconnect with a friend from years ago, my emails went unanswered, so I gave up. And then she contacted me, many years later. Genuinely never saw the emails. They went into spam. Twenty years of lost friendship.
Kate, your column was very touching. I want to share with you something I've kept for years which was written by Mother Theresa. It's a little long, but it meant a lot to me when I was in a situation such as you wrote. Mother Theresa's words: " There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away, let them walk......Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person, it just means that their part in the story is over.....Let me tell you something, I've got the gift of goodbye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in goodbye. " There is more to this, but this is the sense of it.
Picture this..a 3 year old girl in an Elsa princess dress in the bathroom (because she liked the acoustics) standing on a booster stool (her stage) and belting out the frozen song “Let it Go.” That’s the picture of my granddaughter that stays in my heart and always helps me when I need to “let it go.”
You and I were watching Banshees at the same time. So much goodness and homecoming until it went hopelessly dark. Feckin' shame it is. Now not recommending, being as I am such a fan of donkeys and fiddlers' phalanges. Sorry you were ghosted. Can't imagine.
Unfortunately, I have had this happen to me. A friend, like a sister, removed me from her life after 30 years of being "family" together. We raised our kids together, did everything together. My son and his son live with her son and his son currently. Our kids are best friends, but our friendship died back in 2009. No warning, over 30 years, just gone.
Your story hurt my heart. Why do people do this to people they care about? I will never understand. I've walked away, but there is a hole in my heart that isn't healing. Oddly enough, this past week, Facebook showed me her profile as someone I should be friends with. And it's all come roaring back.
I appreciate you writing about this. They say time heals all and it certainly helps. And you’re right, we may never know the reasons. Getting some distance, time-wise or perspective-wise is a great salve. This happened to me a year and a half ago and it’s still hurts but I’m doing much better. Trying to tune in to the cosmic perspective or reason soothes my soul and helps me realize that what happened might actually be best for both of us in the vast scheme of things. I like to focus on what I do have and all that I am grateful for. And you, Kate, are one of the people I am very thankful for!
Thank you for sharing your story about ghosting. I was recently ghosted too, though I think I know why. I just don't understand why it was important! And I guess I'll never know. I'm going to try your Strata recipe and just think of it as a recipe for Food for the Soul! Thank-you!
I think we try to make sense out of things. That's just human nature. But the truth is that not everything does make sense. (Banshees certainly doesn't! What a weird little film--and I get particularly agitated when an innocent animal is involved.) IMHO, it is very unlikely that you did something to offend, or omitted something that was expected. Sometimes we just have to, as Rilke said, live the questions. That said, I'm very sorry for the pain you've experienced. Your heart is kind and a gift to all you encounter. ❤️
Kate, thank you for sharing this with me. I had been trying for the last year to hold onto a special friendship where I had been ghosted. I had finally realized that I could not force it to happen, but I still had not let it go. Hearing your words has convinced me (but it is still hard 😢).
Thanks for this, Kate, there are also those friendships where you don’t talk for months and then you pick up right where you left off! (And then usually find out why someone was incommunicado, having nothing to do with the friendship, but stuff in their life.) But ghosting 👻 stings, a different thing altogether.
I've learned all friendships aren't meant to last forever. I've been on both sides of letting go.
Exactly the saying I was searching for.
The problem with "ghosting" is that one is never quite sure. I made a couple of attempts to reconnect with a friend from years ago, my emails went unanswered, so I gave up. And then she contacted me, many years later. Genuinely never saw the emails. They went into spam. Twenty years of lost friendship.
Kate, your column was very touching. I want to share with you something I've kept for years which was written by Mother Theresa. It's a little long, but it meant a lot to me when I was in a situation such as you wrote. Mother Theresa's words: " There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away, let them walk......Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person, it just means that their part in the story is over.....Let me tell you something, I've got the gift of goodbye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in goodbye. " There is more to this, but this is the sense of it.
Picture this..a 3 year old girl in an Elsa princess dress in the bathroom (because she liked the acoustics) standing on a booster stool (her stage) and belting out the frozen song “Let it Go.” That’s the picture of my granddaughter that stays in my heart and always helps me when I need to “let it go.”
That’s a toughie. Brought back some bittersweet memories.
But I can’t wait to make this Strata! 😋
You and I were watching Banshees at the same time. So much goodness and homecoming until it went hopelessly dark. Feckin' shame it is. Now not recommending, being as I am such a fan of donkeys and fiddlers' phalanges. Sorry you were ghosted. Can't imagine.
Unfortunately, I have had this happen to me. A friend, like a sister, removed me from her life after 30 years of being "family" together. We raised our kids together, did everything together. My son and his son live with her son and his son currently. Our kids are best friends, but our friendship died back in 2009. No warning, over 30 years, just gone.
Your story hurt my heart. Why do people do this to people they care about? I will never understand. I've walked away, but there is a hole in my heart that isn't healing. Oddly enough, this past week, Facebook showed me her profile as someone I should be friends with. And it's all come roaring back.
Thank you, Kate. I didn't mean to make it sound like your newsletter was a trigger. It was more like "why do people do this to people?".
Life is meant to be lived and experienced. Hopefully, the experience makes us each better people.
Sending you a big virtual hug.
I appreciate you writing about this. They say time heals all and it certainly helps. And you’re right, we may never know the reasons. Getting some distance, time-wise or perspective-wise is a great salve. This happened to me a year and a half ago and it’s still hurts but I’m doing much better. Trying to tune in to the cosmic perspective or reason soothes my soul and helps me realize that what happened might actually be best for both of us in the vast scheme of things. I like to focus on what I do have and all that I am grateful for. And you, Kate, are one of the people I am very thankful for!
Thank you, Kate, for your ever-wise words! ❤️
Thank you for sharing your story about ghosting. I was recently ghosted too, though I think I know why. I just don't understand why it was important! And I guess I'll never know. I'm going to try your Strata recipe and just think of it as a recipe for Food for the Soul! Thank-you!
I think we try to make sense out of things. That's just human nature. But the truth is that not everything does make sense. (Banshees certainly doesn't! What a weird little film--and I get particularly agitated when an innocent animal is involved.) IMHO, it is very unlikely that you did something to offend, or omitted something that was expected. Sometimes we just have to, as Rilke said, live the questions. That said, I'm very sorry for the pain you've experienced. Your heart is kind and a gift to all you encounter. ❤️
Ghosted........such a heartbreak - have that going on with my own family -
Kate, thank you for sharing this with me. I had been trying for the last year to hold onto a special friendship where I had been ghosted. I had finally realized that I could not force it to happen, but I still had not let it go. Hearing your words has convinced me (but it is still hard 😢).
Thanks for this, Kate, there are also those friendships where you don’t talk for months and then you pick up right where you left off! (And then usually find out why someone was incommunicado, having nothing to do with the friendship, but stuff in their life.) But ghosting 👻 stings, a different thing altogether.