The problem with "ghosting" is that one is never quite sure. I made a couple of attempts to reconnect with a friend from years ago, my emails went unanswered, so I gave up. And then she contacted me, many years later. Genuinely never saw the emails. They went into spam. Twenty years of lost friendship.
It is, Kate! But for all kinds of reasons, I wish it had been sooner. Her perspective on events of many years past was balm to my soul, and she was saddened that we'd not had this conversation sooner. So glad we had it in the end. ❤️
Kate, your column was very touching. I want to share with you something I've kept for years which was written by Mother Theresa. It's a little long, but it meant a lot to me when I was in a situation such as you wrote. Mother Theresa's words: " There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away, let them walk......Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person, it just means that their part in the story is over.....Let me tell you something, I've got the gift of goodbye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in goodbye. " There is more to this, but this is the sense of it.
I was just replying when the screen went black, so here I am again when I don't know if what I wrote went through or not. I'll try again: I don't know if it is online or not as I read it many years ago, was impressed by it and wrote it down into a notebook I keep of favorite quotes. Here's another quote, but I don't know the author: There comes a time in your life when you realize: who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your past. There's a reason they didn't make it to your future"
Picture this..a 3 year old girl in an Elsa princess dress in the bathroom (because she liked the acoustics) standing on a booster stool (her stage) and belting out the frozen song “Let it Go.” That’s the picture of my granddaughter that stays in my heart and always helps me when I need to “let it go.”
You and I were watching Banshees at the same time. So much goodness and homecoming until it went hopelessly dark. Feckin' shame it is. Now not recommending, being as I am such a fan of donkeys and fiddlers' phalanges. Sorry you were ghosted. Can't imagine.
Unfortunately, I have had this happen to me. A friend, like a sister, removed me from her life after 30 years of being "family" together. We raised our kids together, did everything together. My son and his son live with her son and his son currently. Our kids are best friends, but our friendship died back in 2009. No warning, over 30 years, just gone.
Your story hurt my heart. Why do people do this to people they care about? I will never understand. I've walked away, but there is a hole in my heart that isn't healing. Oddly enough, this past week, Facebook showed me her profile as someone I should be friends with. And it's all come roaring back.
Oh Mel, I am so very sorry. That the Facebook profile and this newsletter edition may have aggravated your loss...well, that is hard. Sending love to you.
I appreciate you writing about this. They say time heals all and it certainly helps. And you’re right, we may never know the reasons. Getting some distance, time-wise or perspective-wise is a great salve. This happened to me a year and a half ago and it’s still hurts but I’m doing much better. Trying to tune in to the cosmic perspective or reason soothes my soul and helps me realize that what happened might actually be best for both of us in the vast scheme of things. I like to focus on what I do have and all that I am grateful for. And you, Kate, are one of the people I am very thankful for!
You are so right, Teri. We have no idea what would have or could have happened if relationships continue. Perhaps we "dodged a bullet" as is said. Looking forward to getting together soon! ❤️❤️
Thank you for sharing your story about ghosting. I was recently ghosted too, though I think I know why. I just don't understand why it was important! And I guess I'll never know. I'm going to try your Strata recipe and just think of it as a recipe for Food for the Soul! Thank-you!
And so we move on. I think you will love this recipe, Maureen, and thanks for your comment today. It means a lot to me to know that this work matters. ❤️
I think we try to make sense out of things. That's just human nature. But the truth is that not everything does make sense. (Banshees certainly doesn't! What a weird little film--and I get particularly agitated when an innocent animal is involved.) IMHO, it is very unlikely that you did something to offend, or omitted something that was expected. Sometimes we just have to, as Rilke said, live the questions. That said, I'm very sorry for the pain you've experienced. Your heart is kind and a gift to all you encounter. ❤️
Kate, thank you for sharing this with me. I had been trying for the last year to hold onto a special friendship where I had been ghosted. I had finally realized that I could not force it to happen, but I still had not let it go. Hearing your words has convinced me (but it is still hard 😢).
Thanks for this, Kate, there are also those friendships where you don’t talk for months and then you pick up right where you left off! (And then usually find out why someone was incommunicado, having nothing to do with the friendship, but stuff in their life.) But ghosting 👻 stings, a different thing altogether.
Oh I so agree, Jolene. When we don't talk for awhile, and then get together via phone or zoom, I am grateful that it feels as if not a moment has passed since our last "cup of tea." Love you my friend.
I've learned all friendships aren't meant to last forever. I've been on both sides of letting go.
Yup. That saying...some are meant for a lifetime, some for a year, some for a day...
Exactly the saying I was searching for.
The problem with "ghosting" is that one is never quite sure. I made a couple of attempts to reconnect with a friend from years ago, my emails went unanswered, so I gave up. And then she contacted me, many years later. Genuinely never saw the emails. They went into spam. Twenty years of lost friendship.
That's wonderful that you have reconnected!
It is, Kate! But for all kinds of reasons, I wish it had been sooner. Her perspective on events of many years past was balm to my soul, and she was saddened that we'd not had this conversation sooner. So glad we had it in the end. ❤️
Kate, your column was very touching. I want to share with you something I've kept for years which was written by Mother Theresa. It's a little long, but it meant a lot to me when I was in a situation such as you wrote. Mother Theresa's words: " There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away, let them walk......Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person, it just means that their part in the story is over.....Let me tell you something, I've got the gift of goodbye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in goodbye. " There is more to this, but this is the sense of it.
Thank you so much, Stevie. Is this online? I will look for it.
I was just replying when the screen went black, so here I am again when I don't know if what I wrote went through or not. I'll try again: I don't know if it is online or not as I read it many years ago, was impressed by it and wrote it down into a notebook I keep of favorite quotes. Here's another quote, but I don't know the author: There comes a time in your life when you realize: who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your past. There's a reason they didn't make it to your future"
OH so very very true. I definitely feel that way about wuzbands!
Picture this..a 3 year old girl in an Elsa princess dress in the bathroom (because she liked the acoustics) standing on a booster stool (her stage) and belting out the frozen song “Let it Go.” That’s the picture of my granddaughter that stays in my heart and always helps me when I need to “let it go.”
OH that is too perfect! Let It GOOOOOO!
That’s a toughie. Brought back some bittersweet memories.
But I can’t wait to make this Strata! 😋
It ain't sweet but I tell ya this is one HECK of savory deliciousness.
You and I were watching Banshees at the same time. So much goodness and homecoming until it went hopelessly dark. Feckin' shame it is. Now not recommending, being as I am such a fan of donkeys and fiddlers' phalanges. Sorry you were ghosted. Can't imagine.
Unfortunately, I have had this happen to me. A friend, like a sister, removed me from her life after 30 years of being "family" together. We raised our kids together, did everything together. My son and his son live with her son and his son currently. Our kids are best friends, but our friendship died back in 2009. No warning, over 30 years, just gone.
Your story hurt my heart. Why do people do this to people they care about? I will never understand. I've walked away, but there is a hole in my heart that isn't healing. Oddly enough, this past week, Facebook showed me her profile as someone I should be friends with. And it's all come roaring back.
Oh Mel, I am so very sorry. That the Facebook profile and this newsletter edition may have aggravated your loss...well, that is hard. Sending love to you.
Thank you, Kate. I didn't mean to make it sound like your newsletter was a trigger. It was more like "why do people do this to people?".
Life is meant to be lived and experienced. Hopefully, the experience makes us each better people.
Sending you a big virtual hug.
That question is one we probably will never have an answer.
I appreciate you writing about this. They say time heals all and it certainly helps. And you’re right, we may never know the reasons. Getting some distance, time-wise or perspective-wise is a great salve. This happened to me a year and a half ago and it’s still hurts but I’m doing much better. Trying to tune in to the cosmic perspective or reason soothes my soul and helps me realize that what happened might actually be best for both of us in the vast scheme of things. I like to focus on what I do have and all that I am grateful for. And you, Kate, are one of the people I am very thankful for!
You are so right, Teri. We have no idea what would have or could have happened if relationships continue. Perhaps we "dodged a bullet" as is said. Looking forward to getting together soon! ❤️❤️
Thank you, Kate, for your ever-wise words! ❤️
As always, thanks for reading, Pam.
Thank you for sharing your story about ghosting. I was recently ghosted too, though I think I know why. I just don't understand why it was important! And I guess I'll never know. I'm going to try your Strata recipe and just think of it as a recipe for Food for the Soul! Thank-you!
And so we move on. I think you will love this recipe, Maureen, and thanks for your comment today. It means a lot to me to know that this work matters. ❤️
I think we try to make sense out of things. That's just human nature. But the truth is that not everything does make sense. (Banshees certainly doesn't! What a weird little film--and I get particularly agitated when an innocent animal is involved.) IMHO, it is very unlikely that you did something to offend, or omitted something that was expected. Sometimes we just have to, as Rilke said, live the questions. That said, I'm very sorry for the pain you've experienced. Your heart is kind and a gift to all you encounter. ❤️
Ghosted........such a heartbreak - have that going on with my own family -
I'm so sorry, Bonnie. 💔
Kate, thank you for sharing this with me. I had been trying for the last year to hold onto a special friendship where I had been ghosted. I had finally realized that I could not force it to happen, but I still had not let it go. Hearing your words has convinced me (but it is still hard 😢).
Letting go IS hard...especially when we long for closure. Thanks for your comment today, Greer, and many blessings on your way.
Thanks for this, Kate, there are also those friendships where you don’t talk for months and then you pick up right where you left off! (And then usually find out why someone was incommunicado, having nothing to do with the friendship, but stuff in their life.) But ghosting 👻 stings, a different thing altogether.
Oh I so agree, Jolene. When we don't talk for awhile, and then get together via phone or zoom, I am grateful that it feels as if not a moment has passed since our last "cup of tea." Love you my friend.
Yes! Out of our matching Lipton teapots 🫖 🩵!! Love you, too!
Exactly!