#143: Letting Go of What No Longer Serves
When is it time to walk away? Plus a recipe for a delicious Strata.
Letting Go of What No Longer Serves
I watched The Banshees of Inisherin last week. Basically it’s the story two lifelong friends on a very small island in Ireland in 1923 during the Irish Civil War. Without warning, one decides that he doesn’t like the other anymore and shuts him out. The other can’t understand why that has happened and, for better or worse, he tries to figure it out. He finally has to walk away but not until after some very dark scenes and I don’t mean dark because of lighting.
Letting go of a loved one when they no longer want to be a part of my own life is hard. I’ve been ghosted before…a term I knew nothing of fifty years ago. Then comes the day when I run into them and mention that I haven’t heard from them and is everything OK. They give a little shrug and say…I’ve just been so…busy. Then there’s a wan smile and we share a little hug, and say Let’s catch up soon. I say….Yes, I’ll send you an email and I would love to get together. So, I do only to have it met with silence. I think what did I do or say? It’s hard because in that silence I’ll probably never know. I didn’t realize, or want to believe, that that those words, that smile, that hug were most likely our last.
We show up in each others lives at the perfect time and we rejoice at this perfection of connection for reasons yet unknow to us. At that time, it is perfect…until it isn’t. Maybe you or they walk into a mine field, but unless there is communication it’s impossible to know what happened to suddenly flip the relationship switch from on to off.
I’ve heard the words Let go of what doesn’t serve you. But that tender-hearted place I open to them is now aching and empty, and who knows how long it will take to heal, if ever. Even years later, little reminders can crack open that door to reveal bruises still there.
You would think that at this age I would get it when I reach out to say hello to an I’ve-just-been-so-busy “friend”, to congratulate them on a life event, to leave a comment and look to see if they have responded or at least acknowledged it with a little ❤️ only to receive the silent treatment again. I’ll never really know what I did wrong or didn’t do right, and you know…it’s time to stop trying to figure that out, and just let them go, because that journey is theirs…not mine. So, I think giving myself a little atta girl present for realizing I’ve done all that I can do is in order. A special something just for me.
One more thing…
When my dear friend Jessica Leigh Clark-Bojin created a pie for Valentine’s Day featuring the images of two actors from The Last of Us, I decided to check out the first episode of season one.
About half-way through I pressed pause to text her and wrote… Is it this intense through all? Her reply? Pretty much. It’s a dark game with moments of lightness. Not a lighthearted romp. But better than the walking dead. I finished the episode and, although the acting is great, the series just isn’t for me. I’ve not seen Walking Dead either and probably won’t. Sometimes you just have to walk away from things that don’t serve you. And that’s OK.
A few Substacks I have been enjoying that you might too…
KitchenWitch
A lovely way to bring small seasonal rituals to the kitchen. The edition below reminds us to call in sweet energy when looking for a new home and the recipe for Welcome Home Cookies looks really good, too.
The Honest Broker
AI seems to be in the news and in newsletters often these days. Recently I had an email exchange with a food writer who asked me for my impression of some AI generated pie recipes. Yes, they were pie, but I didn’t think they were particularly memorable in any way. I think the jury is still out on AI…unless it’s an AI jury. You may enjoy Ted Joia’s thoughts about Microsoft AI.
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
If you missed this edition of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar’s newsletter, it’s totally worth reading. What a gracious and class act!
And finally a recipe for my dear paid subscribers for a Twenty-Four Hour Wine and Cheese Omelet, also known as Strata. I could eat this entire recipe!
Recipe: Twenty-Four Hour Wine and Cheese Omelet
Serves 4-6
What You Need
1 - 8X8 (or equivalent) oven proof casserole
1/2 lb French bread, country loaf or gluten free bread, crusts removed, broken into pieces or cut into 1-2 inch cubes.
2 Tablespoons unsalted butter, melted, plus a bit more to butter the baking dish
1/4 lb Swiss cheese, grated
1/8 lb Havarti or Monterey Jack cheese, grated
1/4 lb or more sliced, chopped or cubed ham or salami, or sautéed mushrooms, or both
4 eggs
6 and 1/2 oz milk or 1/2-1/2
2 oz dry white wine
2 green onions minced, more if you like
1 teaspoon Dijon mustard
1/8-1/4 teaspoon pepper
1/16 to 1/8 teaspoon red pepper
1/2 cup sour cream
1/4 cup Parmigiano Reggiano cheese, grated
How to Make It
Butter an oven-proof baking dish and lay pieces of bread in it.
Sprinkle grated cheeses, meat and/or mushrooms over bread.
Whisk eggs, milk, wine, green onions, mustard, pepper, red pepper until foamy.
Pour egg mixture over bread-cheese-meat-mushrooms.
Cover dish with BPA-free plastic food wrap and foil. Crimp edges to make sure it is tightly sealed.
Place in the fridge overnight or up to 24 hours.
30 minutes before baking, remove from fridge.
Preheat oven 325F.
Bake covered dish for 40 minutes. (Yup you bake it with the foil and plastic wrap.)
Remove foil and plastic wrap.
Spread sour cream over top and sprinkle with grated Parmigiano Reggiano.
Return to oven and bake an additional 10-20 minutes or until lightly browned.
I have served this to family, friends, and at in-person Art of the Pie Day Camps and received rave reviews. If you make this recipe, let me know what you think.
And if you like my words today, be sure to click on the little ❤️ below ⬇ and leave a comment. It means a lot to me.
Kate, your column was very touching. I want to share with you something I've kept for years which was written by Mother Theresa. It's a little long, but it meant a lot to me when I was in a situation such as you wrote. Mother Theresa's words: " There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away, let them walk......Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person, it just means that their part in the story is over.....Let me tell you something, I've got the gift of goodbye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in goodbye. " There is more to this, but this is the sense of it.
I've learned all friendships aren't meant to last forever. I've been on both sides of letting go.