# 398: Get to Work
The Lethargarians
“I wonder where I am,” said Milo in a very worried tone.
“You’re . . . in . . . the . . . Dol . . . drums,” wailed a voice that sounded far away.
He looked around quickly to see who had spoken. No one was there, and it was as quiet and still as one could imagine.
“Yes . . . the . . . Dol . . . drums,” yawned another voice, but still he saw no one.
“WHAT ARE THE DOLDRUMS?” he cried loudly, and tried very hard to see who would answer this time.
“The Doldrums, my young friend, are where nothing ever happens and nothing ever changes.”
This time the voice came from so close that Milo jumped with surprise, for sitting on his right shoulder, so lightly that he hardly noticed, was a small creature exactly the color of his shirt.
“Allow me to introduce all of us,” the creature went on.
“We are the Lethargarians, at your service.”
Milo looked around and, for the first time, noticed dozens of them—sitting on the car, standing in the road, and lying all over the trees and bushes. They were very difficult to see, because whatever they happened to be sitting on or near was exactly the color they happened to be. Each one looked very much like the other (except for the color, of course) and some looked even more like each other than they did like themselves.
“I’m very pleased to meet you,” said Milo, not sure whether or not he was pleased at all. “I think I’m lost. Can you help me please?”
“Don’t say ‘think,” said one sitting on his shoe, for the one on his shoulder had fallen asleep. “It’s against the law.” And he yawned and fell off to sleep, too.
“No one’s allowed to think in the Doldrums,” continued a third, beginning to doze off. And as each one spoke, he fell off to sleep and another picked up the conversation with hardly any interruption.
“Don’t you have a rule book? It’s local ordinance 175389-J.”
Milo quickly pulled the rule book from his pocket, opened to the page, and read, “Ordinance 175389-J: It shall be unlawful, illegal, and unethical to think, think of thinking, surmise, presume, reason, meditate, or speculate while in the Doldrums. Anyone breaking this law shall be severely punished!”
“That’s a ridiculous law,” said Milo, quite indignantly. “Everybody thinks.”
“We don’t,” shouted the Lethargarians all at once.
“And most of the time you don’t,” said a yellow one sitting in a daffodil. “That’s why you’re here. You weren’t thinking, and you weren’t paying attention either. People who don’t pay attention often get stuck in the Doldrums.” And with that he toppled out of the flower and fell snoring into the grass.
Milo couldn’t help laughing at the little creature’s strange behavior, even though he knew it might be rude.
“Stop that at once,” ordered the plaid one clinging to his stocking. “Laughing is against the law. Don’t you have a rule book? It’s local ordinance 574381-W.”
Opening the book again, Milo found Ordinance 574381-W: “In the Doldrums, laughter is frowned upon and smiling is permitted only on alternate Thursdays. Violators shall be dealt with most harshly.”
“Well, if you can’t laugh or think, what can you do?” asked Milo.
“Anything as long as it’s nothing, and everything as long as it isn’t anything,” explained another. “There’s lots to do; we have a very busy schedule —
“At 8 o’clock we get up, and then we spend
“From 8 to 9 daydreaming.
“From 9 to 9:30 we take our early midmorning nap.
“From 9:30 to 10:30 we dawdle and delay.
“From 10:30 to 11:30 we take our late early morning nap.
“From 11:30 to 12:00 we bide our time and then eat lunch.
“From 1:00 to 2:00 we linger and loiter.
“From 2:00 to 2:30 we take our early afternoon nap.
“From 2:30 to 3:30 we put off for tomorrow what we could have done today.
“From 3:30 to 4:00 we take our early late afternoon nap.
“From 4:00 to 5:00 we loaf and lounge until dinner.
“From 6:00 to 7:00 we dillydally.
“From 7:00 to 8:00 we take our early evening nap, and then for an hour before we go to bed at 9:00 we waste time.
“As you can see, that leaves almost no time for brooding, lagging, plodding, or procrastinating, and if we stopped to think or laugh, we’d never get nothing done.”
“You mean you’d never get anything done,” corrected Milo.
“We don’t want to get anything done,” snapped another angrily; “we want to get nothing done, and we can do that without your help.”
“You see,” continued another in a more conciliatory tone, “it’s really quite strenuous doing nothing all day, so once a week we take a holiday and go nowhere, which was just where we were going when you came along.”
― Norton Juster, The Phantom Tollbooth
Can’t sleep? Try one of these.
Steamy Milk
1 cup milk
In a small pot place the milk. Heat over low heat for a 2-4 minutes. It’s ok if it steams and trembles a bit but don’t let it boil.
With Cardamom and Honey
Add
A generous pinch of ground cardamom (about 1/8 teaspoon)
Honey to taste
Add cardamom to milk while it heats.
Put honey in the bottom of your mug, add the steamy cardamom milk and stir to mix.
With Vanilla and Maple Syrup
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
2-3 teaspoons maple syrup (depending on how sweet you would like it)
A little pour of whiskey (optional)
In a small pot place the milk. Heat over low heat for a 2-4 minutes. It’s ok if it steams and trembles a bit but don’t let it boil.
Put vanilla, maple syrup and optional whiskey in a mug, add the steamy milk and stir to mix.
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The Lethargarians, wow
Ah, to languish among the Lethargarians…