#164: Changes in a Woman's Life

A guest post from my dear friend Jolene Dalton Gailey about change, healthcare, and friends.

Today a guest post from Jolene Dalton Gailey whom I have known for nearly 30 years. As professional musicians (one of my previous careers), our paths crossed many times—I took part in performances with her, taught piano to her two children, and accompanied and coached many of her vocal students at competitions as well. One year, when I suggested that it would be really fun to do Carl Orff’s ‘Carmina Burana’ with the high school choir she directed, the percussion section of the band led by her husband, and the advanced piano students from my studio, her eyes lit up and she immediately said “Let’s do it!”…and so we did. Our performance even included dances that she choreographed for the dance team she also coached!

Jolene recently wrote about a medical procedure she had…one that is life changing for a woman. I found her words so moving that I asked if I might share them here with you. Her response was an immediate “Yes!”. Here they are.

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Not Everything in Life is Easy, Perfect, and Beautiful

I want to take a few moments of your time for a life update. You can feel free to scroll past at any moment. Last Thursday, I had a total hysterectomy. I know…I know…do we really want to talk about such personal things here?? My answer is yes, we need to talk about these things because they are the reality of life. Not everything in life is easy, perfect, and beautiful.

Photo by Yuliya Ginzburg on Unsplash

First of all, I would like to thank my Gynecologist. She has been phenomenal throughout this entire procedure. After having two children with male OBs, I decided that I would NEVER have a male OB/GYN ever again. They were professional men but they were white men in Utah. They absolutely did not understand me, my beliefs, or my needs as a woman and mother. My current GYN is a phenomenal woman who LISTENS! She doesn’t rush through my appointments, she takes her time and listens to what I have to say. She runs tests and does procedures to find out exactly what is needed. Listening - the medical profession needs more listening! So, I had a total hysterectomy. And I am so glad. I am so grateful that I have an amazing surgical GYN who could treat the things that she knew were there but also the big surprises.

I also want to thank the staff ... The anesthesiologist, female, who also listened. She heard me when I told her that I am a singer and a vocal teacher. She took care to make sure that my throat and mouth were not injured. Extra care on top of the anesthesia was her forte. The OR techs, nurses, and the phlebotomists were also my champions.

Now, let’s talk about the nursing staff. My heavens, my nurses were truly the most amazing women I have ever met. I am so grateful that they kept me in the hospital instead of sending me home. Insurance companies need to hear from more patients about this. I stayed a little over 24 hours. I wish that I could have stayed at least 48 - it would have been warranted. My second night was equally as difficult as the first night. It would have helped to have my night nurse with me. Did I say how marvelous she was? She treated me like one of the most valued members of her own family. I was cared for in the most intimate manner. Never did I feel uncomfortable with her.

Health care should not be a luxury. It should be granted to all people. And women’s health care is VITAL. Oh, did I mention that one of the drugs they gave me for one of my first procedures is considered an Abortion drug? If I didn’t live in Washington, I might not have had access to this medication. That is insane. The people who are fighting to control women’s medical health care must not care about life AT ALL. Pro life means ALL life. It does not just mean pre-birth life. A woman’s health care should be between her and her medical doctor - not politicians! And we should care about life after birth.

I was on the 3rd floor of the hospital - the one where the babies are. When I heard the cry of the newborn baby, I was elated. My baby days are over so hearing the new life just down the hall from me brought me great pleasure. To that Mother I say: “Your baby’s cries are the most beautiful music I have heard!” I hope you had my doctor deliver your baby. I can only imagine what a beautiful experience that would have been.

I am now 5 days post op. My husband is truly amazing. He has had his own surgeries in the past month and yet he is taking such good care of me. I am grateful for the daily check in phone calls with my children, my Mom and my sister. They have helped me to feel very loved and cared for…daily FaceTime, phone calls and texts makes it feel like they are truly here with me at all times.

And, my girlfriends! Prior to the hysterectomy, I held an Honorable Farewell to my Reproductive Organs with 4 of the most wonderful women I know. They came and sat outside at the fire pit with me and helped me to honor the life giving force that I was blessed with. They understood my need to have a meeting of women to hold sacred this moment. They read about my reproductive journey and they held me up in preparation for the surgery. And afterward, I have appreciated the food and and texts! I am blessed with great friends.

I am encouraged to walk. There is a huge difference in a walk with an ultimate mileage and destination and the walk that is just to be taken one step at a time. You have the time to look at every flower, bee, and animal. So, I look forward to my slow, short walks where I can appreciate the beauty of the Pacific Northwest. Today, I walked to the goats down the street from me. What a treat.

If you stuck around for the entire story, thank you. If you feel the need to tell me where I am wrong, no thank you. This was cathartic for me. I needed to write this for myself and share it with those who care to read it.

—Jolene Dalton Gailey

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A Listen for Today

Here’s E. Jean Carroll and Roberta Kaplan in conversation with Dahlia Lithwich about their recent monumental win in court. You’ll find the link to the podcast in the newsletter below. It’s worth a listen.

How E. Jean Did It

And finally for those who say, “Why didn’t she scream?”

I didn’t scream either.